This morning is a jumble of thoughts and scriptures and a couple devotionals by A.W. Tozer from his book ‘Tozer on Christian Leadership’. As I read the importance of knowing God kept pressing on my heart.
Tozer inferred in his devotional that we focus more on the promises of God than we do know Him and his verse was in Isaiah 40. It is such a powerful passage that I cannot simply pull out any one verse. I would encourage you to read it. It is short… In it God reminded me who he is, was and will continue to be.
The next devotional referenced 1 Kings 3 and I started in the first verse and read through the 15th. As I read it my mind reeled back to those first months of my walk. It was in July, but I cannot remember the year right now. We had joined the Church in April and I got baptized in May… Terry, my preacher, had counseled me to study God’s Word and Encouraged me to use a Bible Study by Henry Blackaby, ‘Experiencing God’ as a tool to help me.
I was really struggling. There were several attempts made to meet with Terry to get some answers to my questions but we were both so busy we could not find a time that worked. I have to say I was getting frustrated and felt a bit lost and confused, but it was no one’s fault. It was just life.
I continued to study and pray… I hit this wall. By then I was in 1Kings. I moved into chapter 3. The title was ‘Solomon’s Prayer for Wisdom’. I came to verse 5-9
1Kings 3:5-9 (ESV)
“5 At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream by night, and God said, “Ask what I shall give you.” 6 And Solomon said, “You have shown great and steadfast love to your servant David my father, because he walked before you in faithfulness, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart toward you. And you have kept for him this great and steadfast love and have given him a son to sit on his throne this day. 7 And now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. 8 And your servant is in the midst of your people whom you have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude. 9 Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?”
When I came to this passage I prayed, not in any organized fashion, but more a cry… Lord help me find wisdom in Your Word. I was at a loss and I was feeling very alone.
I was kind of a wreck that morning.
1 Kings 10-12
I went on to read verses 10-12a as I prayed…
“10 It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. 11 And God said to him, “Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, 12 behold, I now do according to your word.”
I read those words and stopped… a bit freaked out by them. In the middle of verse 12, I was just was overwhelmed. God told me that He would give me discernment of good and evil, but how could I possibly manage that… that was too much. So the Spirit prompted me to read further, and I read the rest of verse 12…
I read the second half of verse 12 and frankly,
“Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you.”
As I read that I had this relief because I knew that Solomon was unique. None would compare to him. And I had this calmness that settled in and I knew that God would give me what I needed when I needed it. Just enough…
This morning as I relay this experience I am reminded of a passage in Proverbs that required some help from Google.
Proverbs 30:7-9 Brings Peace
“7 Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
8 Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
9 lest I be full and deny you
and say, “Who is the Lord?”
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.”
That was the prayer that God answered for me that morning. I did not know it at the time but that was my prayer. This morning as I reflect on it I am humbled once again at the grace of my Mighty God!!! King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
That morning I realized that the reason that I could not schedule a meeting with my preacher Terry was because it was not part of God’s plan for me yet… He wanted me to seek HIS council. He wanted me to know the side of Him that He knew that I needed before I went anywhere else.
Insight – Loneliness and Restoration
God led me to some amazing passages this morning and as I look at them considering the memory He took me through in 1Kings 3 I am amazed at the passages that were also in this study. First Psalm 13
Psalms 13 (ESV)
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
As I read this I see in it that path that I was on in those months leading up to July. But I kept pushing only by the hunger that God had given me to know Him. And like the end of this Psalm. He was faithful.
Insight #2 – God’s Steadfast Love
Than Psalms 86:5
“For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.”
He was forgiving. He was steadfast. He never abandoned on the contrary He held me close until I was ready for the next step…
Reflecting on all these things this morning I am reminded by the power and patience of God. He knows me better than I know myself. I must not forget that he will never forsake me nor hold anything from me that I need; including discipline or correction.
Oh, and about the wall between me and Terry… God took that down as soon as I stopped struggling and listened to Him. It was amazing how easy it was to reach Terry after that.
Lord God thank you for giving me the strength to not give up on you. To hold fast and trust in your will. Lord my prayer is that you might strengthen all your children to cling to you even when we do not know the path we are on.
I know Lord that your path is true Lord I pray this morning Roman 8:28
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28)
In Jesus name, I pray, Amen
I think there is one thing that I must add this morning. That is to mention my wife and partner Pat Dunnum. She is a wonderful woman of God. Her love and encouragement are so important. I love her dearly and thank God for her. Her patience with me in the wilder days and her subtle suggestions helped me see that path God had for us both. She never gives up on me. I thank God for her every day!!!
I pray that I might be the encouragement to her that she is to me!