This morning is a collection of thoughts that have been coming together over the past week or so. I have been feeling scattered, and struggling with headaches, and I have been a bit down just because. But there has been this consistency in all my selfishness, and that is Jesus.
I woke this morning about 2:30 AM very suddenly. It was a need to repent for a series of selfish thoughts that have been getting the best of me. The one that God used to wake me was my response to the issues with electricity going out last night.
When I got jarred awake, the first thought I had was how selfish I had been. I tried to rationalize it, after all, I had this horrible headache. And without electricity, I cannot go to bed. I have to sleep sitting up because I use a C-PAP. And the list rolled on. I was just so selfish, and it was enough that God woke me with this feeling of… “Quit it, Enough already.” I was humbled by this thought of how selfish I was being, and I need to make things right with God. I needed to repent and be thankful.
I have to admit that I was embarrassed. I have so much to be thankful for, and I could not see it because I focused on my circumstances instead of Christ Jesus. Instead of being thankful for the linemen making the repairs I was allowing the adversary to use my headache and being very tired to turn my thoughts inward. But it did not stop there.
“Here I am to Worship”
I have been waking up every morning for at least a week singing the refrain from a song by Michael W. Smith. The part that has been rolling through my head has been the part about the cross.
“I’ll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
I’ll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross.”
As I sang that song to myself this morning, I was humbled again. I thought about Jesus and all that he did for me. It turned my prayer time upside down, for lack of a better way to explain it, and I had this flood of disappointment in my behavior. But I prayed, and I pushed forward. I read Utmost For His Highest.
“The Collision of God and Sin”
The title of today’s devotional is “The Collision of God and Sin, ” and the closing paragraph got my attention.
“The heart of salvation is the Cross of Christ. The reason salvation is so easy to obtain is that it cost God so much. The Cross was the place where God and sinful man merged with a tremendous collision and where the way to life was opened. But all the cost and pain of the collision was absorbed by the heart of God.”
I read that passage several times, especially the last sentence. I cannot fathom the pain Christ Jesus took for me. For my salvation.
Jesus endured all this because of His unselfish love for me. No one on earth could make Him do this. He made the final decision, and He humbled Himself in obedience to His Father for me. That sacrifice paid my debt. All the cost and pain of the collision between God and sin was absorbed by the heart of God.
I ran all these thoughts over in my head, and I realized God had forgiven me the instant I came to Him in repentance, and I needed to let it go. Sure the thought is there still but it is not a punishment it is a reminder for the next time I feel sorry for myself. This phrase kept running through my head, “far as the east is from the west” so I googled it.
I found it was Psalm 103:12 I read 103:7-14
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust. Psalms 103:8-14 (ESV)
I will never stop being amazed by how God guides me with whatever tool he chooses to use to keep me on the path. It can even be a song lyric, but it always ends in His Word.
Father thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirt and your discipline when I need it. Thank you for your love and grace. Thank you for the gift of repentance.
Father, I praise you! I thank you, and I cherish your forgiveness.
Lord please never stop correcting me to keep me in step with you.
I pray this all In the name of your blessed Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.